How To Leave A Church
Mark Dever offers these tips on how to leave a church {from his book “What Is A Healthy Church?”}-
Quick Tips: If You’re Thinking about Leaving a church . . .
Before You Decide to Leave
1. Pray.
2. Let your current pastor know about your thinking before you move to another church or make your decision to relocate to another city. Ask for his counsel.
3. Weigh your motives. Is your desire to leave because of sinful, personal conflict or disappointment? If it’s because of doctrinal reasons, are these doctrinal issues significant?
4. Do everything within your power to reconcile any broken relationships.
5. Be sure to consider all the “evidences of grace” you’ve seen in the church’s life—places where God’s work is evident. If you cannot see any evidences of God’s grace, you might want to examine your own heart once more (Matt. 7:3–5).
6. Be humble. Recognize you don’t have all the facts and assess people and circumstances charitably (give them the benefit of the doubt).
If You Go
1. Don’t divide the body.
2. Take the utmost care not to sow discontent even among your closest friends. Remember, you don’t want anything to hinder their growth in grace in this church. Deny any desire to gossip (sometimes referred to as “venting” or “saying how you feel”).
3. Pray for and bless the congregation and its leadership. Look for ways of doing this practically.
4. If there has been hurt, then forgive—even as you have been forgiven.
{HT: JT}
Good stuff, brother.
What are your thoughts on legitimate reasons for leaving?
Seems to me we should ask that question prior to implementing the “how” component.
GUNNY HARTMAN said this on December 6, 2007 at 3:02 am
A timely post, indeed.
I was just thinking of posting some of Dever’s stuff from this book, as I saw it available online.
Seems that church hopping is an epidemic in our culture, and I’m glad to know that people more well-known than we are taking the time to address it.
When people leave for smallish reasons, they don’t understand the pain it inflicts. If I accidentally cut off my finger, my body writhes in pain, but the finger feels nothing.
Lance said this on December 6, 2007 at 7:09 am
Gunny-Lance,
Yes I agree. I was just passing along this tidbit that I found. I have not read the book, perhaps Dever tackles it more. Nice illustration Lance. Interestingly, I left a church over racism with the leaders and then came to a church where there was a mass exodus over the former pastor and many people left, and then the pastor, and the rest remained. Then I showed up. So, I have been living between these 2 worlds and I see firsthand everyday how jacked up things can get.
Certainly innerant teaching/denial of core doctrines would be a reason. Not, “I think the pastor’s not preaching the Word.” But more secifically, “I heard him deny the Trinity so this is a real concern. I’ll go to the pstor and elders and see where the church stands. If they deny the Trinity, then maybe its time to move on.”
I think often people bail because their pastor doesn’t hit a homerun each week like Swindoll or Piper or Sproul and the seed of discontent grows and gets out of hand so that they leave.
So, Doctrine would definitely be first on the list for me. What say you guys?
Son of the Right Hand said this on December 6, 2007 at 9:15 am
I’m with you on doctrine, but what I hear these days is a supreme value placed on “authentic relationships.”
I’m not bothered by the desire for such (as ecclesiology is not ecclesiology, sans saints), but what I’ve begun to discover is not a real desire for authentic relationships, per se (which require time, sacrifice, conflict, patience, suffering, grace), but a desire for sinless, costless, instant, pain-free, yet deep relationships.
The minute we get wounded or experience conflict, we begin our retreat. We seem to want people to get close to us, forgetting that intimacy is not free.
It’s interesting what happens to us (I include myself) when we discover that “people are people,” and that no gathering of unglorified saints is exempt from depravity.
When people join our church, one of the first things I tell them is, “You will get hurt here.” I don’t mean to sound negative, but they need to hear that. Has it helped? Not sure. They still seem so shocked to later discover that the sinners they just joined are much like the sinners they just left.
And I praise our Savior, who became flesh and dwelt among us, and did not abandon us at the first sign of hardship. He sticks closer than a brother.
And so we strive to glorify Him by imitating Him (Philipp. 2:1-11).
Lance said this on December 6, 2007 at 10:40 am
Lance,
I agree. Too much “Oprah-feelings” are what people want without true, Biblical, in-your-face-because-I-really-love-you-enough-to-see-you-transformed, accountability.
Part of how we deconstruct this kind of church-hopping mentality is to address the issue as we welcome new members. We have a new members class coming up the next 2 weeks and this is what we address the first class:
1. Explain the gospel
2. Where did you attend church previously AND WHY DID YOU LEAVE?
3. Have you been baptized?
4. Have you ever been disciplined by a church?
5. Personal testimony
I think this is an attempt to curtail any future problems and at its core, its basic discipleship. We are making disciples when we “birth” them the right way.
I take comfort that He has a more vested interest because its His church, His bride, His body that He paid for with His blood that He’s coming back to gather to Himself, and in the meantime He will build His church!
Son of the Right Hand said this on December 6, 2007 at 11:29 am
A good word, bro. Thanks for sharing, esp. the info. on how the new members’ class starts.
Lance said this on December 6, 2007 at 2:09 pm
Benji,
I didn’t know you knew Lance Ward of ‘Scrawny Pulpit’ fame. He was my pastor at Rowlett Bible Fellowship when I when I was at DTS. I volunteered as a youth pastor and then they started paying me and it turned into a three year stint. The best small group I have ever been a part of was at that church with a family that has since left I think. Good times, Good ministry, Good fellowship, Good People. Too bad some of them want perfect pastor. We three will fail that unfair expectation. In the mean time, Keep Preaching, Keep Praying and Keep Loving on God’s people.
Heath
Heath Taylor said this on December 7, 2007 at 1:10 pm
Heath,
I met Lance last year at the Piper pastors conference {have you considered going this year?} through Eric “Gunny” Hartman {Semper Reformanda blog/DTS adjunct prof}. I didn’t know you attended church there during seminary. How small a world it is and how big a God we serve! How are things at Mosaic?
Benji
Son of the Right Hand said this on December 7, 2007 at 2:40 pm
Heath: You and Lisa are deeply missed here. Wish I could have some of those years with you back.
Small world.
Benji: Had a great meeting with Gunny at the Lone Star Founders Fraternal this morning. You oughta ask him if we’ll let you join (initiation fees may be waived if you can ensure that you follow all the commands in the Pastoral Epistles). WE meet the second Saturday of each month.
Lance said this on December 8, 2007 at 4:41 pm